he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
