I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
