Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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