Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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