How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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