Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
