New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
