Sponge bath it is.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
