I just pynch a tree in the face
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
