I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
