You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
