Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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