We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
