Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
