tell your sister to shave her snatch
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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