she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
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