i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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