Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
