he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
