I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
