I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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