I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
