I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
