Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
