my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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