she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
