Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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