she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
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i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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