please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
