did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
