there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
