I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
