I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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