ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm getting married
To pizza
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
