That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
