I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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