So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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