When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
