Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
