Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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