he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
