I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Randomize
