She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
