do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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