Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
