So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
