so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
