i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
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Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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