He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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