She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
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the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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