I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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