I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
