he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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