I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
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I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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