this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
