Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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