it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
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She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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