I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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