I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
