Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
