First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
