How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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