TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
