why didn't you poke me back
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
