I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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