I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
