you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
