did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
be right there i have to get my cape
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
