why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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