My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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