I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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