Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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