Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You are the jesus of drinking
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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