i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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