Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
